Thursday, October 15, 2009

Mai Not So Unambigyuos Welkom


Mom Says:

Very slowly, Alek got out of the car, and Agent Octavian followed and sat down next to his feet. The strange cat took his time coming down the strange wooden stairs until he was nose to nose with Octavian. They sniffed each other ritualistically and the strange cat purred.

“So,” he said in perfect English. “You have come.”

Octavian said, “O, they told yu about me, did they? An yu speeks pertee gud Inglish, too. That’z conveenyint.”

The strange cat stared. “Who is the they of which you speak?”

“Whu is the whut?”

“Who do you think told us of your advent?”

“It not mai advent. It mai mom’s, and it not until Desembr. An whut Cristmus got to do wift aneethin?”

Alek spoke quickly. “Er, sir, we came here to meet with some friends, another black cat and two dogs. We assume that they told you that we’d—“

“Silence!” The strange cat’s tale was lashing. “Your coming was long ago foretold by Nostradoggus, and it is he, now reborn, whom you have come to meet. I, Guru, proclaim that you must undergo trials of purification—“

“Yipe!” said Octavian, and Alek jumped, fearing that he had trodden on Eight’s tail. “Yu NOT givin me a baft! NOT WANT!”

As the two cats stood braced, hackles raised and tails lashing, Alek thought he had clearly underestimated the dangers of working with MI-6’s Interspecies Division. The strange cat hissed. Alek poised to run.

Then a deep British voice said, “Guru! Behave! First you’re clawing my best staff and now you’re threatening the guests.”

They all looked up at the top of the steps to see an old man with long white hair and a white beard as he gathered his grey cloak and made his way down to them. The strange cat, Guru, still lashed his tail, but it seemed to Alek rather halfhearted. The old man picked Guru up and draped him on his shoulder and then beckoned for Alek and Octavian to follow him into the small stone building.

“After all,” the old man said to Guru. “We can at least let them have a seat in the vestibule. We let the tourists in there, so we may as well let the long-awaited prophet of Ceiling Cat in.”

“Huh!” said Guru. It sounded very much like he meant it.

2 comments:

  1. This is starting to sound like a Dan Brown.

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  2. Yup. That the poynt. It werkt fer him. Also, it rekwyr less sensibul plot chanjiz, cuz yu kin blaym it on Michelangelo or whu-evr.

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