Coded Messajiz

Mom Says:

Here are the messages we’ve gotten so far from Gato, who has been in Cairo now for over two months. I give the translation and Musashi gives the decrypted version.

1. April 7: Arrived safely. Met by my Cousin Larry. We hope to see your Aunt Madge and her sons soonest. Weather is warm, but we are keeping cool.

Arrivd sayflee. Foun mai Egyptian frend, the ex-Mysiz spai, Labeeb. We hope to see those crayzee monks of the Order Our Laydee of Ceiling Cat. Is danjerous, but we beein cayrful.

2. April 26: Visited Museum of Cairo. Saw your cousins in passing. We hope for rain. Pray for good weather for us.

Vizitid Myooseum of Cairo. Saw some crayzee monks, but they not see us. We hope for the chans to follo 2 of them of roughly our siz, so we kin bop them on the hed, put on their yooniformz, an sneek into the monasterri that is connektid to the myoozeum, do som fansee rekonasens, find wher they ar hidin that Russhin doggee Sabaka who they dognapped, an reskyoo him. Wish us luck. Kthx.

Our Unforchoonit Hiaytus

Musashi Sez:

So, yah, I gotsta apololijize fer the unforchoonit hiaytus of this heer blog. The truft is that the Bunnee rabbitz whu does mosta the writin fer us hav ben on a verree long werkin vacayshun to the Golf of Meksiko fer the las cuppla weeks. They wer planning on goin wattr ski-ing wift their frend, Ardilla, a Mexican stunt squirrel they noe from Hollywud, an a buntcha her frendz. They wer goin to go to Bahamas an Jamaika, an all lik that, but they sent us a telegram that tells yu whut happend insted.

8 & Co. STOP Had hankerin fer Cajun fud. STOP Oil spill messin up this part of werld. STOP We ar stopping to halp cleen ottrz. STOP We look fer gud locayshunz aftr. STOP Dont wayst enerjee. STOP Lov, yer Writr BUNNEEZ

Creaytiv Joosiz Leeking Out

Musashi Sez:

OK! OK! I noe it has ben a whyl sins we put out a seeryul of mai wild adventchurz wift the innernashunnl spy commyoonitee, but we ben verree bizzee. The bunneez whu writ mosta this blog wer threatenin to go on stryk agen, an this tim it wuz mai falt fer shur.

(***Sigh***)

See, I wuz talking to mai prodooser about how cool Buffee the Vampyr Slayr is, an she toldid me about “Buffee: the Myoozikul,” an I thogtid a lightbulb! An we ralleed around a pertend piano an had a braynstorm.

But the Bunneez hopt ovr an sed, “We did not com heer to writ a myoozikul, an we certenlee didn’t com to sit around whyl YU writ a myoozikul.”

An then we herd about the yoonion negosheayshunz between the Gild of Myoozikul Artists an the Actorz’ Eqwitee.

The Cheef Writr Bunnee sed, “We let yu get aweae wift the flamenco sene last tim cuz it wuz funnee an yu din’t hav the whol cast singing an dansin. Fightin, shur. Fightin is OK. But dansin? Huh. That NOT in our contrak.”

So we wer bak at the drawin bord, and this time we wer yoozin crayonz, cuzs they didn’t skayr the Bunneez so mutch. An meenwhyl, we sugjestid that the Bunneez tayk a Long-Dezervd Vaycayshun somwher egzotik. We tossd ideers around, lik Tyland, Japann, Chynr, an lik that. But the Bunneez hads studdeed Spanish, so they desydid to go to the Gulf of Meksiko, hopin they cud scout some gud lokayshunz fer the blog an be abul to writ off the cost of the trip.

In whut mai mom callz “retro-spek,” I’m gessin that yu kin see whut’s comin….

Bak at the Plays that is Cleerlee NOT a Rantch

Mom Says:

Meanwhile, back at the ranch…

Musashi Sez:

Meenwhyl, yah, ok, but ther isn’t no rantch. Whut Mom akshul meenz is that whyl me an Pero an Alek an our noo frendz is halpin the werld free itself frum totalararian rayjeemz an havin mistayks wift small boddeez of wadder, the Brav Kittee, Gato has ben havin som egsytin tims of his own.

OK. So I has watchd mooveez wift mai mom an I noes how this sorta thin goes.

1st: Yu gotta imajin a ol-fashun aeroplayn, the tubbee kin, wift the little perpellrz everwher. An yu gotta heer it goin “Hummmmmmm” in the bakgroun. This verree importint.

2nd: Yu gotta imajin a big ol map of the Mediteraryneean See reejun. (Heer’z a hint: there lotsa bloo in the middul.) The bak-lef-paw cornr is kinda pink, an it say SPAIN. Then as yu intch ovr to the rigt (qwiet-lik, so them spyz don’t heer yu), yu coms across this yellr strip wift ITALY writid on it. Aftr that it get compulkaytid. Ther a brown bit that say GREECE, an in pertikler, Athen. An mor ovr to the rigt is a dark pink contree calld TURKE. An then goin down frum ther to yer bak-rigt-paw cornr is a green contree, wher it say Cairo.

3rd: So all that is whut yu seez. Then yu has to imajin a thik red lin goin from a big bloo dot on SPAIN to a big bloo dot on ITALY to a big bloo dot on GREECE to a big bloo dot on TURKE an fynlee to a big bloo dot on Cairo.

4th: That tayk mutch longerer to egsplayn than to show yu, but I not got iMoovee powrz, so yu gotsta hav the payshunz.

5th: Las thin yu gotsta imajin is a blak cat, wayrin a egsotic hat, lik that Illinoy Jonz fellr, hoppin down the funnee laddr thin from the aeroplayn (wift them perpellrz) an hoppin serphistrkaytidlee across a tarmac that is so hot it is wigglin unner his pawz.*

*Pleez noet: this verree hard to manidj. Be impressd.

Mai Tox Skreen, Innerpol, an Othr Stuff I’d Rathr Fergit

Musashi Sez:

Wen I fynlee wokd up “hoomin” as Alek wud sae (by whitch he seemd to meen abul to feel with all six sensiz), it wuz about 2 daes latr. An I got to sae it wuz a verree looong 2 daes. As I wuz comin up out of the Horribulz, I cud heer evrboddee tipee-toin around, incloodin Alek an Pero an som othr folk… I jus kept mai hed unner blankit.

Mom Says:

What Agent Octavian didn’t know yet was that telegrams expressing solidarity had been coming in all day—from Sam Spade: Jimbond; Nick, Nora & Asta; John Le Carré’s cat; Snoopy and Woodstock; Austin Powers; Mooch & Earl; and everybody back at the Mysiz training facility in England. And his Mom had sent a Very Stiff Note to M in England.

Meanwhile, a local Mysiz operative, a Ginger cat with an MD degree and a broad Scots burr, had come, taken a blood sample (along with disapproving ironic asides), gone away to run a toxicity screen, and come back—luckily for everyone—with a more conciliatory attitude.

Musashi Sez:

Howevr, the spy trainin I had got did at leest warn me that sutch kinda daes (or nigts, akshulee) migt well happn. So I wuzn’t totalee surpryzd; jus pist off.

Alek, on the othr paw, wuz qwite pleezd. He seemd to thingk that the whol “egzersyz” wuz werth it. He argued that “cleerlee” them French wer takykin me srsly.

An I sed, (as yu’d egspegt ), “Alek, whutchu talkin about?”

He grinnd (an I nu I wuz in trubbl). “Hah, hah! Isn’t it obvious?”

That Afrmath Thin

Mom Says:

According to the Don’t-Embarrass-the-Kittee Act of 1627, I am prohibited from telling what happened between Agent Octavian and the Parisian gendarmes. Let’s just say that Alek and Zora’s secretaire des affaires bailed them out and took them back to their people. And of course, when I say people, I mean it in the broadest way possible.

Octavian was giddy throughout most of it, but by the time they reached the hotel, the fun part of the Nip Fit had pretty much passed, leaving him not only miserable, but also quite thoroughly wet.

Musashi Sez:

Alek laid me down on the orinj bed. I din’t eevn want to crawl out of the blankit. Pero tried to lik mai hed, jus lyk he’d don befor, but I cudn’t figt bak or eevn be sarkastik. I wuz jus too mizerabul.

I sed, “I thingk I’m goin to pyook.”

Pero bakt off.

Alek sighed. “It’ll wear off eventually, old chap.”

The nigt, unforchoonitlee, got considrablee longer.

Two Cats in the Fountain

Mom Says:

Octavian’s ears were temporarily underwater, but had anyone been standing close enough—a Russian spy, say, or a monk dedicated to Our Lady of Ceiling Cat, or even operatives of Dr. Woof, for example—they might have heard the Persian kittee giggle, jingle her collar tags, and say, “O, whut ze hell!” just before she leaped into the fountain with an almighty SPLASH!